Why it's healthy to get pissed of sometimes and how to do it constructively
You might wanna tell me, hey' I'm pissed off, leave me alone and let me be pissed off.
That's all good but an important note is to not let it on Te loved ones. Even if that is the person you are pissed off about.
What am I talking about? you just said that it´s good to get pissed off, make up your mind!
Now here is the thing, what I am talking about that you should always listen to your feelings and feel your feelings.
When it comes to sharing the feelings and try to express it to someone else who made you pissed of, it helps to do it in the right way and in the right time.
So of course, feel pissed of if you are! Feel it with all your body and own it. Then when it has settled enough so that you can express you being pissed in a productive way. There are some things to be aware about that might help you get the response and understanding you are looking for.
How many times have we not gotten pissed off, saved up a bunch of pissness" (don´t you just love my non words?) that list in your head about what you are angry about, and then lashes out on you loved one.
How many times have that gone well?
Never for me I tell you. Defensiveness and nastiness or silence.. Not sure what is worse.
And think about it.
You had the advantage all along. And when you are angry - you have already won. No one can tell you not to be angry.
You have felt something and thought about it for hours, days or even weeks so you have the perfect "talk"
While the person has no or very small knowledge what is going on in your head.
You want to find the right moment.
But is the right moment for you, the right moment for the other person?
And then another thing triggers your anger and you lash out right then and there.
Afterwards you feel terrible and it did not help at all.
I know you wanted connection? Understanding?
Instead you got defensiveness, silence or passive aggressiveness.
What was wrong?
You ha the advantage of exactly what you where feeling.
It was the right moment for you - but maybe not the other person best time
You talked when you were angry or in any other negative emotion which is very hard to take.
What we can do:
- When we feel something - try and solve it as fast as possible. Don't let to grow inside you for a long time. It will just grow stronger than it has to be.
- Talk about when you are in a good place emotionally. It might not feel as rewarding in some ways cause when we feel the urge to talk, it's hard not to let it out. But it will be so much more rewarding if you can bring it up from a loving place. It´s when you do that, you will get the response you want without all the defensive yuckiness.
- Make an appointment! Want to talk about something - check If it is a good time and of it I my. See he not is a good time. Then you both are ready and prepared for a talk. Big or small. It's fare enough, right?
- Think about it, you have had days or maybe weeks to think about this thing so you know exactly what to say. Is it not fair to give the person you will talk to a little preparation and thinking time before as well?
Believe me when I tell you that I have done all these mistakes, and I still do sometimes (so sorry honey)
Your turn! I would love to hear what and if you got something out of this or if you have anything to add to this.
If you liked this post, please share with your friends!