Here it is, it is your fault - with love

Does it sound harsh? It’s meant to. I have always responded great to people and teachers who are rough around the edges when it comes to teaching me things. It makes me focus and doing better. Then there are other areas in life where I cannot take harshness and I become very sensitive, but that is for another post. I am saying this with love!

Usually when I am in the mist of feeling sorry for myself and stuck the final stage before coming out of it is feeling angry and sick of myself. Then I fix what’s needs fixing and move on.

The “my fault part” is all about taking the power of my life back. Experience and knowing that 100% of my life is in my hands. So powerful!

I am free! When I realize that I am the boss of my life – that sets me free!

Victim role? Yuck. I have been there many times. Still I fall back sometimes. (Which is ok! just don´t stay there my love)

There was many years I did not take responsibility for my life. Yes I did my homework in school, I finished stuff I was supposed to, I did the work and paid my bills in time. But in other aspects I was a victim. Well, I saw myself as one. The big thing was that I was in someway blaming things that had happened in the past for what I was feeling now. But when I decided that my not so perfect childhood or other less fun things was not something I could blame on anymore. Freedom! That meant I could start fresh everyday, the past does not have to ruin today.

What do I mean by a victim? Blaming others for my feelings. Waiting for other people to change to make things or me feel better.  Also trying to change others, or holding on to the past, or worry about the future, which is total fiction by the way.

Then I started to study life coaching and relationship coaching and I started to follow Rory Raye, Carol, Allen, Marie Forleo, Tony Robbins, Christian Carter it was like someone punched me in the stomach. What, wait? its me? my fault? what?

Honestly I still fall back into the victim role and not taking responsibility. But I now know how to get trough it easier and faster then before.

Yup, it might sounds obvious but it sure was not for me. Without really noticing me I had been going around blaming and feeling so down waiting for my circumstances to change without seeing and taking responsibility for my own doing.

After the “smack” came the ease and hopefulness. I realized that I have all the power and that made me feel so much stronger then I had felt before.

I stopped trying to change others. I started taking care of myself and being with an open heart. And when I stopped blaming others things changed dramatically.

Things that can help:

-       Realized that everything in my life is my responsibility

-       Took responsibility for everything in my life. This is not a mistake. I am writing this twice     so that you really get how important this part is.

-       Finding what makes my heart sing and taking care of myself

-       Stopped blaming others and walk around with an open heart

-       Study, read books and learn about things that you know makes you grow.

-        Read blogs, sign up for newsletters and google questions and concerns.

-       When I fall back, I am completely aware of it. I acknowledge it without going there.  I accept that I am falling back without letting it get any power.

-       When I fall hard, it takes a little longer. But usually it means I stopped taking care of myself well enough or not studied enough.

-       Not enough sleep, when I don’t get enough sleep and I usually needs 8 hours many things fall apart for me and I feel like shi#!

-       Food, food, food, listen to what your body is calling you for and drink lots of water

-      Forgive yourself and me gentle to yourself. We all fall back from time to time and that is   not a reason to bring us down further.

-      Talk to people that is inline with what and who you want to become. What do I mean?      Surround you with people who support your journey and also wants to grow. I am a true believer that we become what we surround us with. A person that drains us is very unfortunate and it is so unnecessary to live life with something or someone who drains us emotional energy wise. I know this is a tough question, and its not always solvable over night. But it might be a good thing to open your eyes for and see what kind of energy you surround yourselves with.

If you are not in a position or just not sure I you want to pay money for programs and online courses that deals with these issues you can find so much free advice for free online. Just google and look at sites and/or sign up for free newsletters. There are so much great support you can get by doing that. This is what I did and I learned so much from them. If you can afford it I truly believe their programs are awesome. But truthfully I have not afford to buy them yet. Accept for Marie Forleos – B-school which was life changing!

Your turn, what did you do to take the power back from your own life and what changes did that make for you?

Human habits

A lot of what we do is habits, good and bad. We all have habits.

I am a big believer that many of the habits we have is things we can change by ourselves. I also think that we are not always aware of hour habits and/or that we have the power to change them ourselves. Its great to go to therapy or getting outside help, but I do think that we sometimes get lazy, but we don’t mean to. Its more do to with that we don’t believe that we have the power.

To make it clear, I am not talking about medical issues or serious injuries. What I am talking about is habits we have in our everyday life that we can change. And many of us are conscious about them but it does not always make it easier to do something about them. And that is totally normal and human. But hey, lets change that so we can start feeling better.

Then there have also been times in the past thought some habits were just a part of me and that I could not change them. Like me getting stressed easily. That’s just a part of me” no, it’s not true.

I realized I have the power to turn it around. Think differently and realize that I don’t have to go down the road to stress.

How to identify bad habits;

Mind Habits

-       Decide to become extra aware of all thoughts that cross your head during a day. Better yet, take one hour or maybe just 5 min and write down all thoughts that come through.

 I am sure you have lots of things you are already aware of. So lets put them down on paper so we can take charge out of them.

Maybe it is thinking negative of a person doing something that triggers you, when it actually has more about someone who hurt you in the past?, and nothing to do at all by the person in the present? Are you waiting for another person to change to make your life better? Do you have any negative thoughts about your looks when you see yourself in the mirror? That’s a big one!

-       Look at your notes and see the habits you found out about yourself. Writing them down can make you even more aware of them and makes it easier to let them go. The subconscious is sneaky that way that we can be aware of something but the brain keeps hiding it and can come out crawling at times we really don’t need them to be there.

-       When those thoughts come up again. Say to yourself (laud if that helps) its not true! Its just thoughts and that do not make it true.

Physical habits

-       What bad habits do you have with your body? hare you hiking your shoulders walking, talking or sitting by the computer? tensing your buttocks while walking?

-       Congratulate yourself for noticing these things about yourself. You have taken charge of things, yey for you!

A lot of our habits comes from our past, childhood, parents, genes. But please don’t make this as a excuse to live in the past. Now it’s the time to do something about it and move on. Live in the present and leave the past alone. It’s not any of your business anymore. To get more support in living in the present it can be helpful to go back to a earlier post here

It will probably take time to make the changes permanent but that’s totally fine. You may forget sometimes and fall back. But if you have done these exercises you have started something inside your sub consciousness that will help you strengthen and weaken your bad habits in the long run. Don’t give up, cause you are worth this!

Even without knowing you (yet) personal I feel that you are a very smart person and you can make any changes you want to. Also remember that you are perfect just as you are at this moment. These steps are to make you feel even better and lessen the bad habits that give us unnecessary problems in life.

Your turn,

What habits have you changed by yourself? Maybe habits you thought were a part of you but than you realized you have the power. How did you get to that conclusion?  I love to hear your thoughts about this.