“I know I need to the work, but how?”
That is a phrase that has been running in my head for a long time. I am always analyzing myself and trying to figure out why I am thinking and feeling things (especially the destructive once). I am also good at realizing things about myself that I should work on to feel better. I have been doing this since I was very young. But then here comes the big Q that has so many times been there after the realizations, How do I fix it? how do I change within myself?
Something I have heard many times is that if you realize something about yourself, it will get resolved. But I have not experienced that at all. I have realized many things about myself, those “aha, I do, do that, I need to be aware of that and work on that…
And then it is like nothing is happening or changing, besides that I am still are aware of i,t but instead of it getting resolved, it just stays in my head nagging at me.
What has taking me along time to realize and I am still in the process of it, it is not so simple but necessary and that is to DO THE WORK. I must confess in the beginning I got disappointed by this realization. “What!, Do I need to do work to fix these things? like getting help? actually doing things to change this? I also got surprised by the fact that I thought I was doing the work. But no, no no.. I was not…
Here is the thing, I am really good at researching..especially when it comes to myself I have done and still do everyday tons of research, life coaching, relationship coaching, business coaching, spirituality, health, well being, and everything that spikes my interest. Mostly coaching about so much different things and it has gotten me tons of aha moments.. the problem with this for me is that I rarely did something about it besides thinking about it and feeling great about it in the moment researching and reading about stuff. And it did actully felt like I was doing the work cause it sure felt like it, in my head.
I never did the work. What I mean by work is doing all the exercises that all the amazing teachers and people out there put out there for us to do. (and most of it for FREE!, got to love the internet)
I am now in the process to train myself to start doing the work. I have also started a amazing business school by Marie Forleo: http://www.marieforleo.com, check her out! She has helped me on so many levels, personally and career wise. She talks so much about doing the work and she gives you support and help on how, which made a big impact on me. Cause I have heard many time people and teachers saying, do the work! but they have not really given me tools or help on how to do the work. Which I realize is a important thing cause we don´t all learn to do the work. We understand that we have to do the work. But some of us have a hard time doing the work. And that is not something to take lightly.
Me starting to do my “homeworks” (don´t really like that word, I guess it´s still a yuck” feeling about that one from school) and starting to do the exerciser has already turned my life around. Maybe not on the outside but on the inside, and I believe that is the first step to take.
I have also started doing the work” in my personal life as well, which is changing so much for me.. I am still in the progress but I just feel it..
Doing the work does not feel so bad anymore I must say. Of course it is scary and it took me a long time to get here. It is ok to not feeling ready to get help, and to feel not being ready to do the work, don’t get me wrong. But I also believe this and Marie Forleo says this “Start before you are ready”Don´t wait until you feel ready cause you might have to wait a long time for that. And it is scary, but that´s ok.
Here is what I suggest, Make a list on things you have planned or are planning to do but have not done it yet. Things that are nagging you, or things you know you need to do to feel better and to get you moving forward. Business or personal wise, whatever it is in any part of your life. Don´t be scared of writing down things you are avoiding to do but you know you really need to get it done. It will be though but I promise you, it will feel a little lighter having it written down. And don´t be afraid of putting small things down, things you don’t thing is important enough. cause believe me, small things can take to much room in your head. Writing it down might change that.
Now, choose one of these things you are going to do in the next few days. Be reasonable with yourself, don´t take a big goal and push yourself to hard but decide an exact day and time. If you need advice on how long it should take, ask a friend what they believe is reasonable. Maybe it is emailing something important that you have been putting of. Then decide that you have to send out this mail or whatever it is, in the next 3 days.
When you have written this down (yes do it, do it now, not later, now, I know I know.. but trust me) Now call, text or email someone close to you. Or go to your significant other (pets don´t count, sorry)
Now, tell them that you are planning to do this one thing in the next 3 days (or whenever is best for you) and that you want the have them as your accountability partner in this. this means that this person will check in on you that you will actually do this in the time period that you have decided. This is not to take lightly so find a person that will take this serious as well.
I am doing this myself and it has really helped me. Cause you want to show that you can do the work, when someone is counting on you, you want to be responsible. It can also help be even more helpful if you can trade with the person you talk to. If they have something they have to do, trade support with each other in this and decide to check on each other in 3 days or whenever the deadline is.
This advice comes from the fantastic Marie Forleo,
I would love to hear what you think and feel about this subject.